When I turned 30 in 2014 I set myself several goals that I wanted to achieve by the time I was 40, and now we’re nearly half way through that time frame, and whilst some of those goals are nowhere near even being started, there are some others that I am about to complete, or at least progress with.
So firstly, as per my tradition on this blog, a song…..
Those of you that read this blog that also have me on Facebook, Twitter (@kjackson1984) or Instagram (katejackson84) will not only know what I am about to say, but will probably be sick of me referencing it, but just under two weeks ago I was offered a job in Portugal, and at the time of writing this I am sat in a hotel at Stansted airport, ready to move to Lisbon in the morning. I don’t speak a word of Portuguese, but fortunately the company I am going to work for provide free lessons in the language, and one of the goals was to be relatively fluent in something other than English (although some would argue I’m not fluent in that) by the time I was 40, and whilst I anticipated it being German, I’m happy that at least I have that chance.
For many years now I have wanted to move abroad, it was another goal of mine that I set when I turned 30, but I never actually imagined it coming true, or at least not to Portugal. It is somewhere that I hadn’t even really considered visiting, let alone moving to, but life is funny that way.
I still have big reservations about it. Even now, just 14 hrs 30 before my flight, I am not convinced it is the right thing for me. I don’t know whether Portugal will be my home for the foreseeable future, or whether I will decide within a few weeks that it just isn’t for me and come home to England, but the one thing I definitely know is that I would be angry if I didn’t at least try. I’m in the fortunate position that I already have several other things lined up in the UK, so if I do decide it isn’t for me, I can simply take up one of those opportunities instead.
So away from that nothing much is really happening. I’m struggling not to put on weight at the moment and I don’t really have an excuse these days. Following on from my operation in October I had the excuse for the first three months that I couldn’t go to the gym, so I justified a bit of weight going back on due to that, but since then I’ve slacked at the gym, eaten crap and not really done enough to even get back down to something I’m happy with. At the time of writing I have put back on two of the three stone I lost last year. Maybe being forced to change my diet in Portugal will be good for me.
Please note that what I am about to talk about is post-op stuff and goes into some unfortunate details, so please bare that in mind.
In terms of other post-surgery things, the infection I had in the month after the op caused all the area that tore open to scar over. It has made the base on the vaginal opening very tight, meaning that dilating (which I thankfully only now have to do once a day, and after October I only have to do once a week) is uncomfortable. For those who don’t know what that is, a transgender vagina is effectively an open wound that you have to dilate to keep it open. This is done by inserting a 7 inch cylinder into the vagina for ten minutes (using a fair bit of lubricant might I add), then another 7 incher that is about twice as thick. With myself at the moment it seems to be that whilst the second lot is fine, the initial insertion if not only uncomfortable, but can actually be a bit painful due to the aforementioned scar tissue. As I say, as time goes on it gets better because you have to dilate less and less as time goes on, but the scar tissue will never go away.
The dilating can actually be replaced with sexual intercourse, but I’m still not actually bothered about sex. I’m not even that fussed about a relationship either, and even if I was, I’m not actually attracted to guys, so the changes of sexual intercourse adequately replacing dilating are slim, at best.
So that’s it really, I don’t really have anything else to talk about, so I’m going to leave this here….with a second song (I know, controversial)….