Deciding who I want/need to be…..

I have a perfectly healthy brain. It just doesn’t contain feelings. And that doesn’t necessarily make me a bad person. It just means I have to work a little harder than everybody else to be good” – Olivia Cooke, portraying the character Amanda in the movie “Thoroughbreds”

So, firstly, a song, as usual……

So yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the type of person I want to be now that I am female. It is just over three months since I had my operation and whilst I’m still not as fully mobile as I would like (I rejoin the gym tomorrow morning, but have been told I can’t use the bikes until at least six months post surgery), and whilst I don’t know fully what type of person I want to be, I know that I need to be practical in life. This started with me deciding not to go to America next month.

I was due to fly out on holiday to Boston on February 8th, returning from New York two weeks later, but due to being off of work for nearly three months (I returned there last Sunday), finances don’t really allow me to go, so given that my first proper pay day won’t come until mid-March (my one in February will still have one week of sick pay on it). A few days ago I did win a PPI settlement for an amount I won’t disclose, but even though sensible heads prevailed. I am disappointed, however, I have come up with an alternative plans to go to North America later in the year.

In October I plan to go to Calgary instead. I am a fan of the ice hockey team there (go Flames) and would love to be able to go to a game at the Saddledome, preferably a few. The plan is to go for a week, and then maybe Toronto, all before flying back. My manager has provisionally agreed that I can move the time off by a week or two, meaning that if the start of the season sees the Flames on the road, I could rearrange things slightly. This gives me nine months to save up as much money as possible so that I can actually go and enjoy a holiday for once, rather than being on a strict budget. My outgoings are around £650 per month, so I’ve decided that everything I earn over £1,000 each month will be put into the fund, giving me £350 to spend on food, getting to work (I now live a near 90 minute walk from where I work) and the odd new 4K or ticket to an event.

Anyway, away from holiday plans, I’ve already self-improved somewhat so far in 2019 by that I have finally learn how to go to toilet as a female properly. For all people who are in the process of becoming female, or even just considering it, whatever you do, do NOT do to toilet with your legs at what could best be described as a right-angle. I won’t go too far into details, but lets put it this way, it’s a lot less messy the smaller the angle of your legs.

I also mentioned earlier that I am rejoining the gym. Putting weight back on was always inevitable after the surgery given that I couldn’t exercise properly. I finally bought some proper scales again and was quite surprised. I left hospital weighing 13 stone 13 (195 pounds), as of about an hour before writing this I weighed 15 stone 8 (218 pounds). 23 pounds was actually far less than I thought I would put on, so I am actually quite pleased. I’ve set myself the goal of getting down to an even 13 stone before the end of the year, a loss of 36 pounds. I lost 38 pounds in less than three months in mid-2018, so losing 36 in 12 should be pretty easy. That’s just three pounds a month on average. Easy!

Anyway, I’m going to leave this here.

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