So it’s coming up to the four year anniversary of when I started on hormones and with the previous three, I have been reflecting a lot on life, especially as recently I had some great fortune come my way.
Firstly, as it tradition on my blog here is a song. It’s a beautiful rendition of an already exceptional song.
Just to give you all a bit of a back story before I start this. Up until April I was working for a telecoms company headquartered in my home city of Lincoln. In my eight or so months there I had been awarded Employee of the Month and gained a promotion. Not bad for a relatively short time. However, my time there unfortunately came to an end in April when, to cut a long story short, we parted ways on less than amicable terms. I spent the next few months questioning my life as I no longer knew what I wanted.
I was a 31 year old that had no direction in life, but all wasn’t lost as I worked part time at a cinema, and fortunately they gave me full time hours whilst I looked for something….but then came something that I never considered, a chance for promotion. My manager at the time, a lady called Sarah, was impressed with me and invited myself (as well as a few others) to shadow her and the other managers for a few weeks as she wanted to reward the high performers in the cinema. I naturally jumped at the chance.
At that point I knew what I wanted to do with my life, I wanted to be a cinema manager. Now, I know you’re probably questioning why that, well the reason is that more than anything I am probably most passionate about films. I have my own film blog (sorryneverheardofit.wordpress.com) and regularly write reviews, and so far this year I was watched more than 90 films, which is comfortably a best for me. The chance to turn a passion into a career is something that I had been looking for, and so I started applying.
At first I wasn’t successful in my applications for a position in the same chain at Oldham, Camden, Brighton and Bradford (well, officially called Leeds-Bradford), I had secured an interview at each but hadn’t quite done enough during the final stage of the process, either because more suitable candidates had applied, or I just did awfully, but I also successfully gained an interview at a London based cinema in the same chain and I went for the interview, and two weeks later I was suddenly a cinema manager.
I’m still getting used to things, but I think I’m doing ok. I’m nervous in many ways as I’ve taken a big leap of faith by moving to London (well technically I haven’t actually moved to London yet, I’ve spent most of the last six or so weeks in hotels), and if it doesn’t work out then I’m back to square one, but with London rent to pay. I move into my new place on the 9th, so hopefully by the next time I write a blog entry (it won’t be anytime soon) the hotel life will be well behind me.
Now one of the reasons I’m sharing this is that one of the things I’ve learned in the near four years that I’ve been on hormones is that a lot of transgendered people seem to think that being transgendered is the reason that they don’t get offered jobs. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have had interviews where I can tell I’m not going to get it because I’ve had the “oh, you’re transgender” look on their face and they’ve failed miserably to hide that they’re uncomfortable, but to sum up how I believe that transgenderism doesn’t impact job prospects that much is that since I started on hormones on December 4th 2012, I have successfully gone through six different recruitment processes (with four different companies – don’t forget the two promotions). If you’re good enough, you’ll get the job, if you’re not, you won’t.
But anyway, so yeah. I’m getting ever closer to having operation in the process of changing from male to female, but the problem with that is that whilst going through the exceptionally painful experience of hair removal around my genitals and my breasts, I have become increasingly self-conscious about how I look, which seems strange as I’ve never been a vain person.
I’ve changed hair styles again and gone with something slightly more feminine than my previous effort, but as I say, I’m becoming increasingly interested in having facial surgery after I’ve paid off the final operation, although I’ll be nearly 40 by the time I’ve paid that off. For example, I’ve recently become very aware that my nose is quite large. I was also somewhat aware of it, but largely ignored it, but there is is one facial feature that I could change then that would be it.
I would be lying if I said it was the only surgery I was considering aside from the genital surgery. As I’ve been losing a lot of weight recently (I need to lose three more stone (42 pounds) in weight before I’ll be considered for surgery) my chest has decreased in size somewhat. I’m not overly obsessed by the size of my chest, but it is somewhat demotivating to see my struggle to fill a bra that was tight just a few months ago. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy not to weigh as much as I did a few weeks ago, and I suppose it’s still the same proportion compared to my torso as it was before, but it’s just not the same.
It’s not like it’s something in my immediate future anyway as I’m only half way through the aforementioned hair removal, which I don’t think I can put into words how painful that is, especially around the genital area. It’ll all hopefully be worth it in the end, but I would equate to it being kicked in the testicles (which admittedly I haven’t had the displeasure of since before I started puberty) with a boot that is on fire….over and over again.
By anyway, I’m going to stop waffling on.
Until next time.