In a post of mine in August (Closing In) I talked about how I was hoping to get approval from my doctor to progress to the surgery stage of my transition from male to female, and he said that he thought I was ready, but the problem with going private is that I need to pay for it all myself, and therefore lays the problem.
Before I move on any further, as per the tradition on my blog, here is a song.
I have a problem in that I can’t not spend money, I’ve been working near enough non-stop since I was 18 (I’m 31 now) and all I have to show for that 13 years working is being into my overdraft. I have precisely nothing saved, other than my pension through work. It’s been a bit more hectic over recent years due to changing gender, but ultimately if I was going to try and save money for the operation, it would take an awfully long time and that’s before I even take in things like rent and food into the equation.
It’s now getting to the point however where I just want it all over and done with, and I think the way to get around this is to take out a loan to cover the operation, because in a few months my finances should start evening out as I have several contracts coming to an end and even though I have only just moved to Leeds, I’ve already decided I’ll be moving closer to work (which will be cheaper on numerous levels) once my six month tenancy is up.
It doesn’t overly help that I don’t actually know exactly how much it will cost, so it’s something I’m going to discuss with my doctor when I next see him on March 1st. Once I know how much it costs I can come up with a plan.
I can easily manage a loan over five years (I’ve already checked the rates) and as mentioned above, I’m just too tired to wait any longer. Changing gender is ridiculously tiring, it’s not only coping with your body changing, but it’s also effectively teaching yourself to do the exact opposite of what you’ve spent most of your life doing. I read a quote about hormones a few months ago that was “taking oestrogen tricks your body into thinking it’s female” and that effectively sums up changing gender.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with how my body has changed. One of my female friends is jealous that my breasts have ended up bigger than her’s, but mentally I won’t consider myself to be anything more than a guy with breasts until the final op is over and done with. I am still terrified about the operation. There’s always that lingering doubt of if it all goes wrong and I end up hate being female then there is nothing I can do at that point.
But anyway, onto happier subjects. Life away from finances hasn’t been too bad. I’ve settled into both my new jobs relatively well and have made good progress in the five weeks that I’ve been in both. I’m still in love with the Norwegian city of Tromso and I might go back in the near future. I do have a week booked for my birthday in September and I was considering making my trip to the most northern city in the world an annual one.
Other than that life is a bit dull at the moment, I’m not really doing a lot as I have only had four days off from both jobs this calendar year so far, and at the time of writing I’m on my 5th of at least 13 in a row, probably even more because I don’t know my rota for next week yet at the part time job.
Oh well, I suppose it could be worse, at least I’m in work and getting money (before spending it :P).
Until next time,