I’ve been thinking a lot about my transition to female recently and about life in general. Since I turned 31 I’ve had a lot of time to think as I haven’t really been at my part time job a lot so not really had the distraction, and after reading an article on the internet about things that “all transwomen hate hearing” I started thinking that there is a general feeling in the trans community that all of the lives of anyone who wants to be female are remarkably similar, and yet it’s not the case.
Firstly, a song, as is tradition in my blog entries….
People always meet me and tend not to realise that I’m trans because I dress in a fairly androgynous manner, it’s probably the main reason I still get called he on a regular basis…..but unlike a lot of trans people, I don’t get offended by it.
I am fairly laid back about my transition and I don’t try to hide that I am a guy going through a gender change. I appreciate that some transwomen want to effectively rid any proof that they were ever male, but I somewhat embrace it because I have no other choice. I still look male when I am clothed, and I still sound like a guy because the voice therapy just didn’t work for me unfortunately.
So based on all of this, let me write you a brief list of some of the stereotypes about transwomen that don’t apply to me, therefore somewhat breaking the stereotype;
- I do not, nor have I ever felt like a woman trapped in a man’s body. I have never felt that way. I can’t explain why I want to be female, I haven’t a clue, but I know that it’s not because of what seems to be the generic reason why.
- I’m happy to share what my name used to be, it was Nathan. I know some get offended by when people ask them what their name used to be, but I’m not one of them and I do find it a bit of a strange thing to get angry.
- I am happy to be asked questions about the process of changing gender, and/or life before I started the process.
- I’m not going to wear dresses, skirts, etc, just because you think that’s what I should be doing. I didn’t wear shorts when I was still fully male because my legs look weird when they’re exposed, and I’m not going to wear anything that reveals then now just because I am becoming female. Infact, I think in the time since I came out in July 2012, I’ve only worn a skirt and/or dress on four occasions, and two of them were to see my doctor.
- I am not attracted to men. Another stereotype about a lot of transwomen is that they were gay men before they started transitioning, but not me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not ruling anything out but as it stands I have no intention of dating guys as it stands.
- No, I don’t blame my struggle at job interviews over the last few years on my choice to change gender. I hate when people use that as an excuse that they didn’t get a role because the vast majority don’t care as long as you can do the job.
- Don’t automatically assume that I want to do something generally defined as “girly” simply because I am becoming a girl. Don’t get me wrong, if the activity excites me then I will do it, but don’t assume that just because I am becoming female that I will attend your Anne Summers party.
- No, my ultimate dream isn’t to be a blushing bride. I have no interest in getting married and think the whole thing is pointless. Marrying someone doesn’t mean you love someone more. A ring does not prove you love someone more than if you don’t have a ring. If you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with someone, a ring, or indeed an absense of one, isn’t going to change that fact.
- No, my penis doesn’t disgust me. Granted, I don’t want it to be there anymore and as the time comes closer the anticipation is starting to make me a bit nervous, but when I look down I don’t feel disgusted by what I see.
- Yes, I do like sports. Anyone who for some reason thinks that girls don’t attend sports such as football and ice hockey are just outright wrong. I’ve been to hockey games where the crowd has been at least 50% female. It does my nut in when people find out I’m transgender and like football and are surprised. Why is it surprising?
- And finally, no, I won’t be going to watch “The Danish Girl” simply because it’s the story of the first ever male to female transsexual. I probably will go and watch it because it looks like a decent film, but don’t assume it’s because I am transgender. I work part time at a local cinema and actually had a customer assuming that I’d be going to watch it simply because I am transgender.
I could go on.
The moral of this post is don’t stereotype me just because I used to be male but now have breasts. Not all transgender people have the same stories or experience, and being transgender isn’t one size fits all.
This isn’t meant in an offensive way to anyone, so I apologise if it has upset anyone, but it is just frustrating that everyone assumes they know about how I feel and act based on the stereotypes of people going through a sex change.
Anyway, I’ll leave it there. There will be a proper life update soon, but I just wanted to get this out there as it was just on my mind.