Back in 2012 I went to my initial consultation with a gender specialist with the intention of changing from male to female on my 28th birthday, but due to an admin error, I couldn’t be seen that day and had to wait twelve more days to be seen and I remember thinking that it would be the longest twelve days of my life and that it would never end. Since that day things have flown and on December 4th I will hit the two year mark of being on hormones.
It’s been an interesting two years and as the changes become far more obvious, such as breasts, life has gotten considerably more interesting, and the strangest thing is that I look considerably younger now at 30 than I did in 2012 when I was still Nathan. The below picture sums that up as the one of the left is the last one photo before I started the process of becoming Kate, and the one on the right was about one month ago.
July 2012 vs November 2014
I always looked younger without facial hair (when I was capable of growing it) but even then, I now look younger at 30 than I did was I was in my mid-20s, which is very strange.
My relationship with a lot of people has changed and I’ve found myself becoming exceptionally bored with things that I was previously obsessed by, such as football. I had been getting increasingly disinterested in all things Lincoln City after I started changing gender, but then moving up to the north west I soon stopped going to games. In 2014 I have only been to two games, and I know that many will see that as more coincidence than anything else, but it’s one of many things that have changed about me since I started on hormones.
Things I used to love no longer interest me and vice versa. That includes me emotions as I now find myself far more prone to crying than I was before, even if it’s just to the point of getting watery eyes. Infact, other than one moment just before I started coming out to people and it overwhelmed me, I rarely cried in my 20s.
July 2012 vs July 2014
That is one of the more unexpected aspects of changing gender and those that think changing gender is as simple as growing breasts and having my genitals rearranged are definitely mistaken. There are far more aspects to changing gender than I had ever realised. Even before I started taking hormones I noticed that living as female was completely different in such small aspects that you don’t even think about them if you’re not going through the process of changing gender.
It’s not all happy though and there are a few things that I am less than keen on since I started hormones. I spent 28 years of my life sleeping on my front but I can’t do that anymore without crushing my chest to the point of it being uncomfortable, and I have found it considerably harder to control my weight. Don’t get me wrong, I was kinda fat before I started all of this, but ever since December 2012 I have gradually been putting on weight. Then again, working nights doesn’t exactly help the situation as I struggle to maintain a consistent eating pattern.
One thing I certainly wasn’t prepared for and something which fills me with dread every time I have to get it done is facial hair removal. It is painful beyond belief. Fortunately I am now no longer capable of growing a moustache or anything on my chin, so only the cheeks and jawline to do, but I can assure you that feeling hairs explode inside your face is one of the most uncomfortable and painful things I have ever experienced, especially right at the base on the nose. It was even worse when I first start and was doing electrolysis because even if they make it “pain free” you can still feel it to some extent.
Ultimately it is all worth it though and I am definitely a lot happier than I was before this all started and I can’t thank those of you that have stuck by me all the way through this. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate those that I have after I came out, but for me those that have been around since before I started becoming Kate. You’ve stuck with me through this awesome time in my life, but more importantly you were there for the difficult times before hand. There were times where without you guys I would be far worse off than I am now.
Despite all the negatives, I would gladly do it all again and it makes me wonder why I waited until I was 27 to come out to everyone. I’d wanted it for so long that I thought it was never going to happen, especially as things started getting in the way, and then I realised in early 2012, after all the stuff with Jodi, that the only thing standing in my way was myself.
For the first time in a long time, I am relatively happy.
So as it stands I am one year away from being considered for surgery. I have to complete three years on hormones before I can be considered for the final step and I’ll admit, it’s a step I am both excited and terrified by. Believe me when I say that nothing about this whole process has been an easy decision, and at times the thought of having a vagina has terrified me, not to the point where I don’t want to do it anymore, but it makes me more nervous than anything else. I think it’s only natural and it won’t put me off going through with it, but I think until it’s all over with that I won’t get over being nervous about it.
Oh well, I’ll stop boring you all now.